Starting therapy can feel intimidating, confusing, and sometimes a little uncomfortable. You may walk into your first session and find yourself saying, “I don’t know” when it comes to how you feel, what is bothering you or what your goals are. That is okay!
Therapy for teens is all about meeting your teen where they are, helping them feel seen and heard, and beginning the process of building a foundation for support. It is not a test, there is no right or wrong answer.
When “I Don’t Know” Has Meaning
While this response may cause concern or annoyance for parents or other caregivers, it actually holds meaning.
Think of the phrase “I don’t know” as if you are looking up at a cloudy sky. You don’t see the sun at that moment, but it doesn’t mean that the sun is no longer there; the clouds just haven’t moved yet.
As trust develops, therapists begin to gain insight into a teen’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences more clearly. Sometimes “I don’t know” simply means “not yet.”
What is a Therapy Assessment for Teens?
It is the therapist’s job to get to know your teenager’s unique experiences, strengths and challenges. These sessions are often designed to be flexible, conversational and to provide safety for the teenager. The therapist may ask about the following:
- A teenager’s daily life (school, friends, family)
- Feelings (stress, anxiety, sadness) and moods
- Coping strategies (both effective and ineffective)
- Hobbies, interests and things that bring happiness
- Goals for therapy (even if the teenager does not know what they are)
The purpose of asking these questions is not to label or judge the teen. Instead, they help the therapist learn about their world and identify patterns, which they can then use to create a customized support system for the teenager.
What to Expect in the First Session
The first therapy session will primarily focus on establishing rapport and trust. It is common for teenagers to initially feel hesitant to disclose and respond with “I don’t know”. Therapists often use creative tools, such as mood rating scales, worksheets, or ice breaker questions. The goal of these tools is to help the teenager to feel comfortable, to feel heard, and to feel a part of the process.
Why Assessment Questions Matter
Therapists listen for themes and trends over a longer period of time. The information gained from a teen can help therapists understand the strengths, abilities, coping mechanisms, and problems of a teen and help them figure out the following:
- Develop realistic and individualized goals
- Help identify the supportive elements of a teen’s life
- Suggest evidence-based approaches
- Ensure warm, collaborative, and empowering therapeutic environment
So, while assessment may feel like figuring out what’s wrong, it is also creating a roadmap in the process of getting support and growing.
Building Trust and Safety
Trust is the main catalyst in therapy sessions. Assessment is continuous and usually includes multiple sessions that would enable teens to start being comfortable with sharing.
Cultural identification, personal value systems, and the experiences the teen has lived through are taken into account when developing a therapeutic relationship with a teen, in order to have a therapy process that is inclusive and respectful of the teen’s life.
Moving Forward After Assessment
Talk Therapy Canada builds a collaborative, respectful process where teens are involved and encouraged to speak up about what matters most to them.
After initial assessment, the teen and their therapist collaborate to identify specific goals and strategies. Many times, teenagers will feel both clarity and relief once they realize what the focus of their therapy is going to be and how they will be able to effectively take part in the process.
The first couple of sessions is a collaborative, supportive, and empowering therapeutic experience with the teens. Even with a phrase like “I don’t know,” this statement is welcomed and respected, serving a pathway toward progress.
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