Marriage is an intricate interplay of love, trust, and companionship that requires continuous effort and understanding. Marriages are being tested and challenged more than ever due to a lack of intentional effort. The Gottman Method, developed by Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Gottman, psychologists and researchers, is a science-backed approach effective for treating both opposite–sex and same-sex relationships. The approach is based on seven principles that couples should follow in order to make their marriage work. Married couples must apply these principles to navigate the complexities of marriage.
1. Enhance Your Love Maps
A “love map” is part of your brain where you store all information about your partner. This can include their likes, dislikes, goals, fears and desires. The more you know about your partner, the deeper your love map becomes. It is crucial, therefore, to have a more profound love map so you are better equipped to handle your partner’s ups and downs in life.
2. Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration
Fondness and admiration are essential to making your partner feel loved, cherished, and respected. Communicating your gratitude to them regularly and sharing experiences strengthens the bonds in the marriage. This positive bond creates the foundation for withstanding marital challenges when they arise and having a more resilient marriage.
3. Turn Towards Each Other Instead of Away
Turning towards each other includes responding to your partner’s bids for attention, affection, and support. Addressing their concerns and making the time to listen shows that they are valued. This deepens the emotional connection and builds safety and security in the marriage.
4. Let Your Partner Influence You
Mutual respect and openness are essential for a thriving marriage. Sharing decision-making with your partner and being open and considerate of their opinions enriches respect in the marriage. Applying active listening and compromising when necessary strengthens the emotional bond in the marriage.
5. Solve Your Solvable Problems
Some problems are solvable in a marriage, while others may never disappear. Solvable problems require the crucial ability to resolve conflicts. Applying awareness to how you bring up issues, de-escalating tension and compromising are vital indicators of resolving conflicts when problems arise.
6. Overcome Gridlock
Gridlock occurs when a conflict becomes deeply entrenched, and both partners cannot make progress. It arises when personal values and dreams are not fully expressed or understood. For couples to address gridlock, they must first identify the underlying issues and then communicate and explore each other’s dreams so that they can move forward.
7. Create Shared Meaning
Creating shared meaning includes sharing goals, values and traditions. This requires intentional effort, which strengthens the emotional bond, increases the joy in the partnership and enriches the connection.
Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Ontario
When you’re struggling with marital challenges that are impacting your day-to-day life, it can feel
like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. You do not have to do it alone. We are here to help.
At Talk Therapy Canada, we invite you to hand us your marital chaos so we can help you transform it into the calm you need. We believe that openness, empathy, and a sense of humour are cornerstones of successful therapy, and we have built our practice on these values while holding space for healing and renewal.
We are set apart by our use of best-practice, evidence-based care to ensure that you and your spouse receive the highest standard of treatment and support.
When you and your partner are feeling disconnected, we help you bridge the gap.
